I can't Measure up
Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Memory- Sugar Cult

...All these things are pretty much stupid things to be upset about. But somehow they bother me.

I get so much of your time in general but then when I really need it or expect it, you're no where. And then I'm so used it I get down but then I really am just being selfish but I just want you to call me randomly stuff. Not for four hours but then you call me and say something like 'I'm with blah blah blah' and it just ruins the moment because I thought you were calling me because you wanted to spend time with me even if it was just for a few minutes. But that rarely makes me upset just makes me a little down but I'm usually better in like five minutes.

 You said something about not waiting until you can marry me the other day on a myspace message. But I really don't feel like you want to marry me at all. I always feel like you want no one to know and that you asking me to marry me over a simple text was just soe joke. It's not a real engagement at all. EVeryone but my Dad knows over ehre, but it's like you don't want anyone to know about me. I feel very unappreciated and it's like you want to marry me and you can't wait, but you can wait like five freakin years. I guess I"m just too eager. Being too controlled isn't good, just like being too emotional like me isn't good. I guess I had stupid illusions of love and engagement.

 I imagined you asking me in person with a real engagement ring, on one knee. I mean not an expensive ring, I thought it woulda been romantic to have a stupid lil toy ring for the proposal. And I guess I thought you would have been as eager and excited as me. But then again Hollywood makes people have distorted expectations like that. I'm very lucky you asked me at all, if you meant it. I guess I also saw you telling your parents...But...I really am being selfish. I feel horrible for even typing this. I'm sorry. I love you Kyle.

Long time no see!
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Nothing
I missed updating in this thing a lot! I really don't have too much time now, I promise I'll start updating this at least once a month. It doesn't sound like much but i don't wanna promise once a week and then never write in it again. Well not much to say. I just spent the weekend with Jessica basically, yay! Friday we saw Invincible, Saturday she came over and we watched League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, and last night I spent the night and we watched Chicken Run, Road to Eldorado, and part of the Mummy Returns and some of StepMom (We were trying to fall asleep but we couldn't lol).

I gave Kyle a wake up call this morning! I can't believe he's at College right now, getting ready. That's crazy. I feel like time just flew by. We had like the best time ever I think when he was over. Lol! We watched Mulan 1 and II! And Dinosaur! Oh the Big White, that was funny but damn it was wierd. Robing Williams still rox my sox. Hmm nothing's coming up really let's see I'm going to join two new clubs this year I think.F uture Educators of America and Model UN. None of the clubs I'm in have started up yet, Literary Magazine will probably be meeting sometime soon and same with First Priority. I don't know about the Poetry Club, oh! And I'm so going to join the book club this year, I wanted to last year but I didn't have the time. This year I'll make the time. Uh I think I'm going to see how LifeTeen is at my Church (that one site I mentioned to some of you with crazy fellow Catholic people) I mean if those people still bother me I won't join, but if they're different than the people on the site I'll join.

Hmm Church Choir starts again in like two weeks, and this coming week I gotta talk to my Counselor about why Marine Science isn't showing up on my courses (cause I'm taking it online in fact I'm almost done with it! YES!!!! Now I'm only left with Economics after that!). I also have to talk to her about sending out my transcripts to ac ouple of colleges. Louisiana Tech and Evansville University. I'm kind of, no really scared that I won't get into Louisiana Tech. I hope they accept me, I really need to start praying for that. I can't be so far from Kyle for four more years after this, I just want to be with him. I'd give up anything just to be with him.

Next Friday is our Seventeenth Month Going out! Crazy! But wonderful. I think I'm getting dragged to a football game that night, but if he's not busy I think I'll just stay home so I can talk to him. Oh I'll be getting Sprint for those of you who idn't know and bother to read this, so I'll put my new phone-number up on AIM for all to see. I won't have text though so beware! I think I get my new Laptop for Christmas, I'm so excited!! Well that's still a long way off anyways. I'm going to go now I gotta appt. to get ready for.

Sorry for the Delay!
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: The Veronicas-Heavily Broken

Well I'm giving no explanation to my delay in posting except, I am completely and utterly lazy. I'm so grumpy I don't know what to say that wouldn't come out as offensive to someone.

>_< HEEEEELP ME!!!! My appointment was great, the assholes go and ruin my day! I hate it, I hate it I hate it! Rawr! Okay my ranting's over.

I take my final for Personal Fitness tomorrow, and I'll prolly call for my Marine Science online quiz on Monday then because I didn't know the test would take so long tomorrow. Gotta lotta of essays x.x.

I'm ready for school to start! I'm a Senior! AH! Yes! Soon enough I'll be able to be me without certain people here to hold me back.

Here's my Schedule (First semester at least):
1. Env. Science
2. Adv. Chorus
3. American History Honors
4. Orchestra

I have nothing more to say, I can't think of anything

~I was loosin myself to somebody else, but now I see, I don't wanna pretend so this is the end of you and me.~

This is the song that never ends....
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: The One I'm Waiting For-Relient K
Well to those of you who continue to read this...God bless your poor souls! Just kidding. But uh, no, really, Happy late July 4th! Yeah yesterday I straightened my hair. YAY! It still looks pretty danish good (danish=darn). Oh! The fireworks were amazing. I was standing right there on the beach, parallel to the barge that was shooting them off not too far off shore. My feet were right there at the edge of the tide. Elizabeth was next to me, both of us craning our necks up to look at the fireworks directly above us. Hell I even got ash in my eye, and the embers flew down right at our feet. But it was just so amazing. I think if my computer's nice, I'll try to post a picture here for you all to see. But I took the pictures when I went further back up the beach cause this drunk man. Though as nice as he was, was totally talking too much for his own good. He seemed like he was normally a nice guy, and it's a good thing my sister and/or me didn't have to beat the shit out of him. Asking me questions about where I'm from in Texas and me tellin him we'll be going back. I wondered for a moment. Why the truck was I telling him all that, and telling him I went to school in Alaska. Well I knew the main reason. I wanted to get it through that guy's head he was dealing with a minor. Anyways shortly after we went back up the beach to join my parents. Then I proceeded to take pictures. I'm so happy! Kyle comes today! I don't know if he'll have a chance to read this before he leaves, if not. Oh well (XD) he can read it when he gets back home. He doesn't leave till Sunday Evening, and then my Mom leaves that same night, I hope that doesn't get in the way. I'll have to talk to Mom about it. If it does, I'm sorry to say Kyle will probably have to leave earlier that day. I know his Dad would not like him being delayed a day in his lessons because of me. Oh! Guessssssss what! I finished chapter one of the revised Ayun Quartet book, and I finished chapter eight of the first book in Magic's Series. I'm so happy! I also started working on rewriting Celtic Guardian, just picking up where I left off. I fell in love with that story when I first started writing it, though I deffie have to change somethings about it. Mainly dialogue cause people would never say such cheesy things. But! I will fix that! All in good time. Okay, this is Haley; Signing out. http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c79/Dramahuman/July4th019.jpg

Eskimo Pie...What does that mean anyways?
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Memory-SugarCult

Okay, Family Drama over for now! I'm so glad I have friends like Megas and Jessica to listen to my pissy ranting. Yeah. Whoo! Alrighty then!

My Mom rescheduled my lesson times. Now they're on Tuesdays at like 5:30, so yay! Let's see, yesterday...Oh! I Went to the movies with Jessica! We saw The Devil Wears Prada. That movie made me scared of fashion indefinently (lol jk). I had also started watching WindTalkers with Elizabeth and then mostly on my own before I left. It seemed like a really good movie. I dunno, Nicholas Cage movies just seem to usually be pretty damn good. But yeah OMG Jessica and I were scrounging change from both of our wallets and purses to get 3.25 for a drink! This really nice lady behind us offered to help us out, luckily we had twenty cents MORE than needed, oh yeah! We're good like that. The guy behind her was cool about the wait, we were jokin about how slow our person at the cash register was. Of course it was Chakra! And of course we were just kidding on the speed, I mean I finally just went off and counted the change for Jessica, in Deutch of course, XD the lady asked me about that, it was cool she had lived in Germany for a year also! Power to us who move!

I think I talked Neda into at least applying for UAF, Whoo! Get this, another college I'm applying for besides UAF...is FAU. Do we see the similarities? Oh I did like six miles on the cycles in the gym like on Friday, and then I did five miles this morning. And the Monday my mom leaves is the Monday I see how truthful that Special K challenge is, mhm. So yeah! Kyle's gonna be here in like two days, (I don't count today or the day he arrives. Leave my counting techniques alone damn it) I'm so excited! And I think I'm gonna ask if we can buy tickets to see Pirates 2 on the net. I don't wanna wait in line and get mugged, jk. No I won't get mugged, but I'm sure Kyle, Jessica, and I will have absolutely no fun waiting in line only to find out it's showed out. Nuh-uh. I will see that movie on Friday, somehow.

Let's see if I can finish ONE book this summer. I have so many in the making but I keep on getting distracted. But I'm really gonna try to finish either book one of the Ayun Quartet or book one of the Magic's Freedom series. I filled out the application for Muvico, but I don't have a work permit thingy, it says I need one if I'm under eighteen. So if that's a problem, I'll just wait till I'm 18. Damn people can't round 17 1/2 to 18. Hm I'm off to finish chapter one of the Ayun Quartet book. Yes I'm only on page seven, don't laugh I've been workin on this longer than you could say Ein Rock!

Slap Happy
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Punk Rock Princess-Something Corporate

All right, after sucessfully yelling at my mom, I have now calmed down. She wanted to cancel my lessons until she got back. HAH! NICE! How inconsiderate of my mom! (And that is quite unlike her honestly) I mean, I need to prepare for state, and she won't even be frickin back until AFTER SCHOOL STARTS! I'LL NEVER MAKE IT! ARGH! Wench!...Okay that last one slipped, but I'm so pissed right now.

And after I throw my amazing fit and throw my pen in her direction, she decides to tell Elizabeth that I'm LUCKY she doesn't beat the shit out of me. EXCUSE ME?! I DIDN'T ASK TO COME DOWN HERE! I NEVER ASKED EVERYON TO SCREW ME UP AND MAKE ME CRAZY, RAWR!!!

I was havin an fin good day too! Finished all my learner's permit crap, was gonna just put up more stuff in my room, talk to mom and Elizabeth. Looking up information for my major at the school I want to go to. Hah, let's see me get a music major without violin lessons. I don't NEED them in general, but I do need them if I want to be more advanced. It's driving me crazy. How dare she say I don't apply myself and I know I don't practice. But I was waitin for her ass to LEAVE so then I could practice when she's gone. When mom's not around, I feel like practicing more, well actually I don't know. I just tend to do so, maybe just to secretly piss her off.

I DO HAVE MY BAGS PACKED, if she lays one hand on me, I WILL take the debit card, buy myself a greyhound ticket (pay them back though of course X.x I'm not a thief, just a bitchy brat), and I will get out of here. I am tired of people telling me to just grin and bear it. NO, I will not let someone hit me again. Never again will I allow myself to be cornered like a helpless idiot.

I have to talk to my Mom, I don't care if I don't have a way of getting to my lessons, I can take the bus. I'm not retarded! If she doesn't listen to me...fine...I guess there goes my major in music. It's not so much the lessons, it's the fact that they have torn up enough of my life, but I will not let them tear up my dreams. I'm outta here before I go throw something else like a whiney baby.

When push comes to shove, you throw them over
Now Playing: What Hurts the Most-Rascal Flatts

Don't ask about the title. Anyways I had this awesome long entry about my adventures at the mall with Erick and Jami. AND! About my new found appreciation of coffee.

Okay, yesterday I went to the mall and I got my ears pierced well I got the third piercing! WHOO! I also got a new pair of converse, but low-tops. Hmm, oh yeah I bought the semi-perm. dye for my hair (I was gonna get violet streaks) but I've decided to wait until next year when I've graduated. I don't want to rock the boat at school, especially not on my last year of hell. I mean school!

Let's see, I picked up a couple of job applications. The thing is, I know this is picky, but I really don't want to work at a fast food restaurant. Elizabeth and my Mom have been on good terms, so that's gooooood! I'm kind of taking a break from the net/computer. I mean I still have to get on everday for online courses, and instant messaging with friends. Oh and updated this blasted thing. But I'm only going to do that all in the evenings from now on.

All right guys I'm gonna try that special K challenge, let's see if it works! I'm not starting till the day my Mom leaves though, on July 10th. Oh! Kyle might be coming down on Monday and stay until Monday (the 10th). *Random note here, but I'm so copying and pasting this before I loose it again and kill my computer.* I'm going to the beach tomorrow morning! I really should be asleep since it's already 'tomorrow' but I just can't fall asleep, I slept too much yesterday.

Kyle and I were talking about change. And I realized I'm such a freak about loving so much change and such. I mean I like lots of changes, but deffie not all of them. I think I could live in one place though if it were in the country or the city. Just anything but the suburbs, and he knows that (lol). But anyways, I'm gonna go now. Bye!

Mall place
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Wanted Dead or Alive-Bon Jovi
*Just glares as the stupid thing lost her whole LONG post*

Count down till doom
Mood:  silly
Now Playing: Freak me out-Weezer

The voice in your head is back! Come on you know you love reading this. Okay well anyways now that I"m done with satisfying my ego...Can we say count down till doom?! I mean I know Elizabeth isn't coming until like 2:15am, and even then she won't actually get here until like 3am. But see that's the time I'm usually awake still, so I'm screwed if Mom starts spazzing, thinking Elizabeth and I are being all buddy-buddy. That really annoys me. I mean I know the whole thing with Elizabeth, but still, regardless of it all she's my sister and I get along with her. Like a sister! Not like she's my mother, *insert sighing and rolling of the eyes here*.

I don't know how long this entry will be, probably not very long -not including the other three friends to add to here today-. I'll probably update again though, as world war three will occur here in time soon enough. This is my only safe haven. Except for my mother cleaned it today. Okay so as she said maybe this was a hazardous material sight, but it was my hazardous material sight! I have things in places for certain reasons. Hell I just like having things where I put them, I don't like someone else messing with my turf. But unbeknownst to my mother, I have the key for all the doors in the hours. Well actually she knows, she just doesn't know where I've hidden it, and she didn't know there was such a thing until I told her. Of course I'm not crazy enough to tell her where it is. Oh well, at least I do have here to hide.

Wow, my Mom just got done talking to Hope and Hannah...I miss those girls. Yesterday my Dad talked to Faith, Billy couldn't talk. I wish we could see them.

Okay! The friends for today!

Neda-Oh wow where to begin, Wheels just cracks me up. She's got an attitude problem which makes her no different than the rest of us. She's really laidback and always there if you need a good laugh. She says what's on her mind, and that makes her pretty damn blunt. She's just over all the equivilant to awesome!

Cait-This girl is more like a sister to me. Even though I don't talk to her much at all these days. I was really hoping to see her this summer to catch up since unlike her, I keep more in contact with the friends from Texas I put up on here. She's like a spitfire, and there's seriously never a dull moment with her. Whether it's stealing skateboards infront of the owner's eyes (~.~), or whether it's just us acting all crazy at home. I love her, but then again I love all my friends, like they're my family -man I gotta, I don't have too many relatives-.

Jessica- OMG! MOVIE BUDDY! She's one of my best friends here in Florida, I don't know what I'd do without her, seriously. We're not only movie-going freaks, we're singing movie going freaks. Ahaha, jk Jessica's not that freaky, but I love her anyways! She's been here for me so much, I don't think I would have made it through the first year without her. She's not one for drama, but somehow, like me, she always finds herself somewhere near it if not in it. Oh well together we can just go scream at scary people in King Kong and forget about the stupidity of highschool.

~Update later!~

What is with Parents anyhow?
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Baby Boom DVD (I know so 80s)

Okay, it's official. Teenagers, pre-teens, kids of all ages on Planet Earth and beyond, parents are isane. They are not only insane but have no method or reason to their madness. My sister, Elizabeth, is coming down tomorrow, well Monday but at 2:15 in the morning. Yes the sterotypical 'family screw-up'. I mean I get along with her in the sense we're sisters, ya know? But having her down here, especially when my Mom's leaving on July 10th, is like, oh I dn't know...RETARDED!

She better get on the bus this time, actually she should be boarding it now. It'll be nice to not be totally alone while my Dad's off at work. I thought Caitlin was going to come down but I guess not. I miss everyone so much and I keep trying to detatch myself from them. Talk to them less, find reasons why they aren't very good friends and why I'm not a very good friend for them.

I don't know, I just feel like I'm loosing everyone so I better just push them away. But hey guys I know that's totally retarded, maybe you all can help me. You know, give me a few good kicks to the head. But then again I don't know if any of you will read this...

Okay! So, to prepare for Elizabeth coming, I'm going to hide all my valuables and have a list of emergency exits incase of her and Dad or her and Mom having a blow out.

Hmm well I said I'd tell more about my friends well here I go.

Wifey-I have been closer to her than any other person ever. If people are offended by this, they need to talk to me and not go blabbering off. Doesn't mean I don't have other best friends, it just means that she took the time to get to know me as best she could. She's an amazing person, always there for people. I would tell more, but...this is my blog not hers, if she wishes to go tell everyone about herself more she can. I just feel it isn't my place.

~You know I would really love to know others of you better, be closer to you all and know you better than others and vice versa...I just feel, like I said, that there's no room for me with you all anymore.~

Megas-Of course another one of my best friends, I've known her since middle school. There's so much to say about her I don't even know where to start. She's understanding, caring, giving, and everything else that makes up a good person. She's so awesome, and I'm lucky to know her.

Amanda-I've known her the longest, but sometimes I feel like I know her the least. That's probably my fault though. I've acted like a big baby with her and certain events, but I know she's going to be one of those friends I have all my life. We're more like family though in a way. I hope I get to know her better. Right now she's out of town, but who knows, maybe when she comes back I'll have a talk with her.

~Thinking about it, I realized most of my best friends will be with my all my life, and that makes me one lucky kid.~

Well I'll continue with three more friends, tomorrow! Or later today if I really feel like blogging that much. After I'm done with my friends, I'll move on to Kyle, the hunk in my life ^_~ (lol).